(no subject)

[x_dryad]

A few months ago, I was told I couldn't understand something because my powers are not destructive. I'm not super strong, I can't fly at fast speeds or at all, I can't hurt people with my mind, light them on fire, or do a bunch of things that people here can.

I grow plants. Which, I mean I guess could pose some potential damage if I lost control. I mean, I did kill a bunch when I was sick. And if I sped up growth a lot it could cause damage. Or I could cover people in poison ivy or tie them up with vines. But I mean I wouldn't do that. And even then people could probably cut through them easily. Each power poses its own problems though, some more grave than others. Compared to many, mine aren't that bad.

So I guess they were right, I'm not very destructive or powerful.

And this got me thinking. Many people here and elsewhere have problems that pose significant problems. They have to go through training to make sure that they don't hurt people. To make sure that they can control their powers for safety reasons. That's one of the main purposes of this place right? To help those mutants who need training in their powers.

But I'm not like that. I wasn't really like that. But that's another story.

Then I asked myself "What does it mean to be a mutant?" I always thought I knew. I grew up knowing I was a mutant and looking like one. I thought I understood the struggles associated with being a mutant. Which was really presumptuous of me. Coming here really opened my eyes, being exposed to a wide variety of people with different powers. I knew that such powers existed, but I hadn't had much of a chance to interact with them.

I told myself this didn't matter, that we are all mutants. We're all in the same boat.

Then two weeks ago I put Julian in a coma. For the first time in my life I experienced what it was like to hurt people with my powers. It was only through touch, but if any of you have ever met me I'm a very touchy feely person. So I knew how much I had to change.

I was scared. I didn't want to hurt people. But I had and I could. And as much as I hated it, it opened my eyes. I realized that even though I knew I was a mutant, I never really experienced the same things that so many of you have. I was incredibly lucky. I know. My parents were both mutants, and my dad's family accepts and loves us. I never hurt anyone, nor was I ever really in danger of doing so. Compared to a lot of people, I was a mutant in looks and name only. I lacked the insight and experience to know what it's like for so many mutants.

Now I do. I think. I don't have to live with it daily like so many people do. Someone told me I was lucky for that, and I guess I am. A part of me feels guilty. Guilty that I'm one of the lucky ones. That I don't have to really worry about hurting people. But that same person who told me I was lucky told me that they envied me because what I was experiencing would go away.

I swear I have a point, and I'm coming to it. I used to think that I knew what it meant to be a mutant. After all, I can't pass for a normal person so this had to be what it was like. When I received Miss Marie's powers, I was shown the error of my ways. But being a mutant isn't about how different we may or may not look, or how destructive you can be. I don't know what it's about, but I maybe it's about those experiences that can't be put in a box. That we can't always define.

We're all different, and maybe that's what we have in common.

Comments

[x-cannonball.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this.